Deep in my Heart
by Sango-Kadie
Summary: When Jack gets sick, Will tries to help him. But is he really ok? [Complete]
1. Prologue

Title: Deep in my Heart

Rating: PG-13 for content and language.

Pairing: Will/Jack

Summary: Jack needs a friend, now more than ever. RR!

A/N: A bit of a dream I had. Will be a multi-chapter story. RR and get a cookie!

-

An open window on the other side of the room allowed the cool city air to breeze by and grace Jack's body. The night was growing colder, but he was comfortable with just a light blanket and the body of the person next to him. The figure was the only warmth he felt, and it was enough. His deep brown hair and eyes could burn through him like no one else could. His muscular figure was the only one Jack could truly ever love.

He closed his eyes and breathed silently through his nose, being swept away in the silence and the perfection of the moment he was currently basking in. The room was as dark as could be, but Jack could perfectly make out the body of the older man sleeping peacefully next to him.

Jack wrapped his arms around his lover, breathing in the musky, heavenly scent. Sweat lingered in his hair from the past events of the night, and the inviting smell was driving him crazy.

"Will," he whispered quietly, not intending to wake the man up, but instead trying to make him stir to see the beautiful features of his face.

The man turned over. Jack gasped as he looked into his eyes.

They weren't the warm, chocolate-brown pools that he had stared into lovingly for the past fifteen or so years. They were a pale green, the ugliest green Jack had ever seen. To a regular spectator, they might have said they were stunning.

But they weren't Will's.

His body was slimmer, a bit more graceful. But it definitely wasn't as breath taking. A natural tan graced the man's figure, but it wasn't the gleaming olive skin Jack had grown accustomed to seeing every day.

It wasn't Will's.

The man smiled and reached up to stroke Jack's cheek. It was all he could do to keep from jutting backwards and running out of the room in search for the man he truly loved. "What's wrong sweetie? You look like you've just seen a ghost."

Jack's despondant glare was quickly replaced by a false smile. "I'm fine."

"You sure"

A smirk flashed across his face. "Want me to show you how sure I am"

The man's touch was rough, not at all like Will's. Jack had imagined Will's touch to be gentle, slow, and passionate. He would hold Jack in his arms and never want to let go, and Jack would never disagree with him. They would lay in perfect harmony, and be together forever.

But it wasn't Will.

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	2. The Sickness

Title: Deep in my Heart

Pairing: Will/Jack

Chapter One

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"Will!" Jack screeched through the partically empty apartment. He held a hand to his head and flopped onto the couch dramatically, wrapping a blanket draped on the other end around his body. Will appeared out of his bedroom, apparently in a hurry.

"What now, Jack?" he asked, annoyed.

Jack folded his arms and tilted his head cutely. "Chill out, I just need an advil. I think I'm dying."

Will sighed and fixed his tie in the mirror over the fireplace. Then he walked over to the couch and placed a hand atop Jack's forehead, feeling for his temperature. "Hmm. You do feel a little warm, but I think you'll live."

He gave Jack a playful slap on the cheek and went to retrieve papers from the dining room table.

Jack was aghast. "A LITTLE warm? Did you even feel me at all!" He got up and gave Will a hug from behind. "I think you're going to need to stay home today and help your little Jackie get better."

"Believe me, Jack. There is nothing I would rather do then that, but I have such a hectic day of work ahead of me."

Jack's arms fell from Will's waist sadly. He hung his head and retreated back to the sofa, like a six-year old suffering a time-out. His head hit the couch cushions, and he feigned tears.

"Jack, we both know you're not crying." Will said, not looking up from the paperwork on the table.

Will went into the kitchen and felt around for a bottle of asprin. "Here you go Mary." he said, tossing the pill bottle on the couch and hitting the pile of blankets his younger friend was buried in. "Now I'm going to work, I'll be back around five-thirty. You want to have dinner tonight?"

"You paying?"

"Don't I always?"

"Fine." Jack threw the blanket off his chest and went into the kitchen to get a glass of water, took the pills, then went to watch TV. "I'll be here when you get back."

"Aren't you always?"

Jack took the bottle of asprin he had just taken and hurled it at Will. His horrible aim and throwing arm made it hit the opposite edge of the fire place. Will smiled.

"Jack, you know better then anyone that people who live in gay houses shouldn't throw-anything" he said as he walked out the door.

* * *

"Ouch."

Jack sat up on the couch and put a hand to his head. It was twice as warm as when he took the asprin. He looked out the window next to him. The sky was pitch black, the only source of light he could find was a thin stream of light from the moon peaking out from behind a thick plethora of clouds. The streets were dark and barren, and Jack could only see a few people scattered about.

Around the apartment, the lights and television had been shut off, and there was a blanket around him that hadn't been there before. Someone had set up a little table in front of him, with a glass of orange juice and a note for him.

Jack ignored the note and drank the juice ravonously. His throat felt as if it was on fire, and he felt himself relax as the cool juice trickled down his chin and coated his rasping throat. When the juice was gone, he wiped his mouth and unfolded the piece of paper in front of him. In it was Will's handwriting.

* * *

"Dear Jack,

I got home tonight and found you sleeping where I left you this morning. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you when you told me you were sick; I guess you really were telling the truth. Anyway, I decided not to wake you up for dinner, so there are leftovers in the fridge.

I can't stay with you tomorrow, since I have a big case I have to settle, but I'll try to use some of my vacation time to stay with you for about a week, or at least until you start feeling better.

Take some more Advil if you need to. I put them in the kitchen for you. I'll wake you up tomorrow and make some breakfast for you, ok?

Feel better,

Will"

* * *

Jack's head pounded.

_"Anyway, I decided not to wake you up for dinner, so there are leftovers in the fridge. "_

'Ugh.' Jack groaned, holding his luching stomach. 'I don't think I can eat right now,' he thought feebily.

_"I can't stay with you tomorrow, since I have a big case I have to settle, but I'll try to use some of my vacation time to stay with you for about a week, or at least until you start feeling better."_

'I'm never going to feel better', Jack sighed, resting his head on the pillow Will must have provided for him. 'I feel like shit, and I'm always going to feel this way.'

_"Take some more Advil if you need to. I put them in the kitchen for you. I'll wake you up tomorrow and make some breakfast for you, ok?_

_Feel better,_

_Will"_

Jack smiled. Why was Will being so nice to him when he had acted like such a jerk this morning?

'Because I would have done the same for him', he thought.

Jack held his head. It was getting worse.

* * *


	3. Evaluation

**Deep in my Heart**

**Pairing: Will/Jack**

**Chapter Two**

**A/N: Thank you to all who reviewed! This chapter is a lot better than the others, so enjoy!**

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**_I'll be the waterwings that save you if you start drowning  
In an open tab when your judgement's on the brink  
I'll be the phonograph that plays your favorite  
Albums back as your lying there drifting off to sleep..._**

**

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**

**Will glanced at the clock as he flipped through the pages of the medical book in front of him. He needed to be in court in less than an hour, but he was determined to find out Jack's condition before then.**

**"Let's see here...headache?" he asked Jack, who nodded.**

**"Duh. I think that's why I'm holding my freaking forehead and saying, 'Ow, my head, oh how much it aches!'"**

**"Oook, irritablity, check," Will teased, continuously flipping the pages of the book. Jack was still laying on the couch in Will's apartment. **

**A few days had passed, and he was still as sick as ever. His face was flushed with red, more so than it had been the time him and Will thought it was a good idea to sunbathe with excess amounts of baby oil. He was sweating profusely, and it had been a while since he had even been near a shower, which made him feel as if he was more filthy then any sick person could feel.**

**"Any muscle pain?"**

**"Yeah. I haven't had sex in five days. What do you think it's going to feel like?" Jack shrieked crazily, hiding his face behind his hands.**

**"Not that muscle, Jack."**

**"Oh."**

**Will continued with his evaluaton."What about your temperature?"**

**"I don't know what my temperature is, but it's hotter than James Van Der Beek in here. Can you turn the AC up a bit more?" he moaned. He wiped pools of sweat from above his eyes and whimpered, caught up in the heat surrounding him.**

**"It's up highest it can go sweetie, sorry."**

**Jack tore the blanket off of his legs furiously. "If it were any hotter in here, I think I would melt."**

**Will thought of making a joke to him. Something along the lines of the 'Wicked Witch of the West', but he thought against it. Not while he was sick. He would tell him about it when he felt better. He might not be the best friend to Jack, but not even he was that cruel.**

**"Well Jackie, I think you definitely have the flu," Will responded, closing the book. Jack gave a hacking cough and nodded. **

**"I thought so. I had it a couple of times. But it was never as bad as this".**

**"Well, I suppose it gets worse as you grow older."**

**Jack groaned. "Old. I'm old."**

**Will sighed and gave a weak smile. "You are not. I'm older than you, remember? If anything, I should be groaning."**

**Jack opened his mouth to agree, but figured since Will had taken the week off to care for him, the least he could do was cut him a little slack. **

**"You're not that old."**

**"And you're not, either."**

**Smiling, Jack shifted postition on the now sweat-soaked couch. "Ugh...Will...it's too hot..."**

**Will frowned and grabbed Jack's hand. A thin layer of perspiration covered it, causing Will to lose his grip. "You want to take a bath? Maybe it'll cool you down."**

**Jack nodded and sat up. His head was heavy and felt as if it were filled with thick slabs of lead. As he went to stand up, he knees buckled and his legs collapsed from below him. Jack felt his muscles tense painfully as he fell to the floor. Will jumped up to catch him, and he cringed as his arm flew up and hit Jack in the back of the neck.**

**"Ok, Jack, come on, you need to lie down..." Will sighed, his hands quivering and threatening to drop Jack. He quickly moved to the couch and set his friend down on it. 'Oh my God, he's _really_ sick..' he thought.**

**"Jackie, maybe we should take you to the doctor."**

**Jack shook his head wildly. "No," he replied firmly, grasping the sides of the couch to keep Will from taking him. "I'll be fine, Will. It's only the flu."**

**Will didn't push him. He just took Jack's hand and grabbed his cell phone from the side table next to him. He flipped open the phone and started dialing. "I'm going to call and say that I can't make it to the hearing. You really need to cool down."**

**He called and announced his absense. He hung up and guided Jack through the slightly dim apartment. He leaned Jack against the sink as he let the tub fill with water. Will turned him around, and Jack fell limp in his hands. He was so weak, he could barely hold himself up. **

**Will led the younger man to the toilet, and sat him down on it. He then proceeded to take off the tangled pieces of his clothing, but Jack resisted. "Stop, Will. I don't want you to see me without clothes on."**

**Will smiled and unbuttoned Jack's shirt slowly. "Jack, you're not that shy. Come on, we need to cool you down."**

**The shirt felt abrasive against Jack skin as it slipped off. His naturally pale chest was now flushed with red. He felt Will remove his pants, leaving him naked except for his white boxer-briefs. "You can leave those on, if it makes you feel more comfortable," Will whispered, getting Jack up.**

**They moved together to the bathtub, the water almost reached the top. Will helped mauver Jack over the top of the tub and relax. Jack sighed happily as the cool water hit his seething skin. "Why no bubbles, Will?" he asked innocently, looking up at his friend.**

**"I don't want anything irritating your skin," Will explained. He took a loofah from the sink and covered it in soap. Jack sighed again as Will began to wash his arms softly. Jack made an unconvinced face and smiled. "Ok, Will..." he trailed off, silenced by Will tickling his ribs with the loofah. The bubbles of the soap tickled his creamy skin, and Will smiled down at Jack as he washed them away with the water.**

**Feeling giddy from the warm water and the lack of sexual contact for a while, a somewhat forbidden thought made its way into his mind. "Will?" he asked, in a tone so blatently innocent, he knew something was up.**

**"Yeah?" his friend implored.**

**"Can you wash my stomach? Maybe if you rub it it'll make it feel better."**

**"Sure..." Will knew something was going on, but he couldn't put his finger on it.**

**Reaching down toward Jack's stomach, Will swirled the loofah in tiny circles. Jack giggled feeling the scratchy material of the sponge fly across his lower body, and gave a little gasp when it dipped lower to the waistband of his boxer-briefs.**

**"Why Mr. Truman, I believe you're coming on to me!" he exclaimed, in a teasing voice. He batted his eyelashes up at Will and gave a coquettish grin.**

**"Those doctors are right. The flu _does_ make you delirious, doesn't it?"**

**Jack rolled his eyes and splashed Will with the water. "I'm ready to get out now," he announced, standing up.**

**"Looks like it did make a difference. You look better," Will grinned, gathering new clothes and a clean towel for Jack.**

**"I feel a bit better. My head and stomach are still killing me, but I think I'll live for a while longer."**

**Sponging off droplets of water from his friends lower body, Will was stopped. "Come on, I can dry my own self off," Jack sighed, grabbing the towel from Will's hands. "Go make some dinner and I'll be out in a sec, ok?"**

**Will nodded and walked out. Jack seemed to be getting much better.**

**He hoped it would last.**

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	4. Goin' to the Doctors

**Deep in my Heart**

**Chapter Three**

**A/N: This chapter takes place six months after the past events, and can get a bit graphic. RR!**

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**

(only when you sleep)

Can't believe it feels like

Fight fire, can't forget

(only when you sleep)

All's changing, now its real

Can't believe the way I feel

**

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**

**Jack walked down the streets, stunned by the beauty of the city that day. It was always beautiful, but there was just something about that moment, walking down the sidewalk, that made him appreciate where he was and how he was getting there. The clouds that had previously occupied the baby blue sky had disappeared, letting the sun shine down and color his face with golden rays. **

**His fever had been gone for a few months, but he didn't tell anyone his symptoms had stayed with him during that time. He no longer felt nauseous, but he had found that his energy was lacking and he felt sore and achy all over.**

**He walked up to the building and made his way to the elevator. He planned to show up at Grace Adler Designs that day and tell Karen he couldn't go shopping with her that afternoon. His stomach was acting up, and he planned to go to the doctor's office that day with Will.**

**"Oh Kaaaaaaren!" he called, walking in from the elevator and startling Grace, knocking her off of the chair she was sitting on. She fell loudly and groaned in pain from hitting the hard wood floor.**

**"Well hello, Bell of St. Mary", she exclaimed sarcastically, narrowing her eyes at Jack.**

**"Sorry G, but I got some news for my Kare-Bear", he said, smiling brightly at Karen and putting an arm around her.**

**Karen jumped up excitedly "Oh, poodle! What is it? Did you finally get with that slightly married questioning man down at the club?"**

**"Yep, but that's not what I wanted to tell you."**

**"Oh, well then honey, what is it?"**

**Jack made a pathetic face and held his stomach in his hands. "I have to go to the doctors office. My tummy feels a little funny. So I can't go to Barney's with you, Kare."**

**"Oh, no Poodle, you have to go! I'm this close to getting them to hire Rosie as a manakin in the Men's department!"**

**Jack's face lost its teasing look and he regarded her seriously. "I really am sorry, Karen, but my stomach really does hurt. Will thinks that I may be getting the flu again".**

**"Again?" Grace exclaimed from across the room. "Are you really that sick? You just got over it, didn't you?"**

**Jack contemplated for a minute. " A while ago, but yeah. That's why Will wants me to go to the doctor. He's picking me up in about-"**

**"Ok Jack, I'm here. Let's go," Will barged in, opening the door so abruptly that Grace once again lost her balance on the chair. "Oh, hey Grace," he called to her on the floors.**

**"Why does this always happen to me?" she asked, to no one in particular.**

**"Because God wants to get you back for that outfit, sweetie. It's called karma," Karen answered, finishing off a martini.**

**Jack and Will looked at each other and laughed, then walked out to the direction of the doctor's. **

**Outside, Jack realized the weather had changed quite considerably over the past few minutes. The sky seemed painted gray, and there was no longer any trace of sunshine. The wind howled around them, and Jack couldn't help but shudder. **

**Awkwardly, Jack slipped his hand into Will's and rested his head on his shoulder as they walked down to the medical center.**

"**Jack? Are you ok?" Will asked, surprised at how his mood had changed so quickly. Jack looked to the still graying sky and nodded into Will's jacket. **

"**I think so."**

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* * *

**

**"Come on, Jackie, this won't hurt"**

**"Don't call me Jackie, please. And yes, it will hurt!" Jack yelled, covering his arm with his black ribbed sweater to avoid the needle coming his way.**

**Will sighed. They had been there an hour, and it did seem like Jack had the flu again. The only thing they needed to do to get out of there was to get his blood and go. But Jack was reluctant to let anything near his arm.**

**"I don't understand Jack. I mean, you were a student nurse for three months of your life. You know how important it is to get your blood to make sure there's nothing wrong with you," the doctor tried to reason, putting the needle down and crossing his arms.**

**Jack shook his head again. No. It'll hurt too much."**

**Will rolled his eyes and threw his hands up in the air. "Come on Jack. If it's so scary for you, I'll do it too, ok? If I do it with you, then will you please do it so we can get out of here?"**

**Jack contemplated the offer for a moment and then finally nodded. "Ok. But it has to be with a real needle this time. I'm not falling for that plastic syringe again."**

**Smiling and hopping onto the counter next to Jack, Will said, "Now maybe we can leave here by tomorrow. You want me to go first?" Jack nodded and Will pushed up a shirt sleeve.**

**It wasn't until the nurse came in with the needle that Will began to regret his agreement. _'Who am I kidding? I hate needles too!'_**

**The nurse wrapped a rubber band around his arm, and withiout warning, sharply jabbed him with the sharp point of the syringe. Will gave a sharp yelp, trying his best to tone it down for Jack's sake. He watched with interest as the blood filled the tube, watched how slowly it dripped, dripped, dripped. It was mesmerizing.**

**"Ok, Jack, your turn," the nurse announced, smiling at him and reaching for his arm. Jack offered it confidently, reassured by Will's lack of a response. The nurse grabbed a new needle and repeated the procedure with Jack.**

**"That wasn't so hard, was it?"**

**Jack smiled and shook his head, and walked cheerfully out of the room, arm in arm with Will. **

**"Will? Thanks for doing that with me. I could tell when the nurse came in that you were afraid."**

**Will looked at him, startled. "What do you mean afraid? You were scared, I was fine. I've done that stuff loads of times. I was only _pretending _to be scared so you wouldn't feel bad."**

**Jack smiled knowingly and nodded. "Whatever you say, Will."**

**

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**

**That night, Jack woke up with a start.**

**He sprung up from his bed and ran into the bathroom, nausea overtaking his system. He hadn't eaten much at Will's that night, but he felt all that he had explode from him and land violently on the floor. He felt the loose food particles scrape against his throat on the way up, forcing him to produce more.**

**"Need...to get... to a toilet..." he muttered to himself. He heaved again, and with it, he felt a massive pain erupt in his forehead. Jack groaned as his hands flew up to press against his eyes, and he whispered silently at it to stop. **

**"W-will!" He tried to yell, but the only thing that he could do was vomit violently onto the floor, entirely missing the toilet again. He put a hand to his cheek, and found it covered in a thick sweat. Once the nausea had somewhat ceased, Jack gathered a washcloth in his hands and mopped his face. **

**Taking it away, he found it was soaked. "Ugh," he muttered disgustedly. He held onto the sink in order to keep from falling over. His head was spinning, and he couldn't focus on one thing without wanting to throw up again. Jack sat on the floor, and rested his head on the wall next to the sink.**

**Jack started breathing heavily, and he sighed loudly as he got a towel from the rack above him and started mopping up the mess he made. "This is so disgusting," he grumbled, putting a hand to his head and running it through his hair. **

**He felt his stomach jump again, but this time it was for a different reason. He whimpered pathetically as he groaned in realization. **

"**Will. I need Will here."**

**He continued talking; his words resounded off of the walls of tile around him. "I can't take care of myself like this. I never could. I need him here, taking care of me. Because...he makes me feel better. I don't feel as sick around him. Not like when I'm with Karen or Grace. They're my best friends, but they don't treat me like Will does. It's so different. I don't know if this means I'm in love with him or not. I don't think it does. It just means that whenever he's here with me, I feel so good."**

**Tilting his head to the side and raising his eyebrows curiously, he went on. "Isn't that what love is, though? When you never want to leave their side or anything? He is my best friend. He always has been there for me, even when I drive him crazy. He drives me crazy too. When he acts like I'm stupid or thinks I don't understand. I do understand, dammit. Just because I'm not a lawyer and didn't go to a collage like Columbia doesn't mean I can't think."**

**Thinking about what he just said, he laughed. Will really did make him crazy. Jack snapped his head up and whipped his head from side to side, looking to see if there was anyone around.**

"**Why am I talking to myself?"**

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	5. Bad News For Jackie

**Deep in my Heart**

**Chapter Four**

**A/N: Short chapter, I apologize. The next one will be a lot longer. Thank you to all who reviewed! There won't be too many chapters left. Only two more after this, I think! Enjoy!**

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**Will typed on his laptop, adding more to his computer journal. He wrote in it everyday, but this time, there was a purpose for what he was writing. His fingers flew across the keyboard, and his head ached as the noise of the keys clacking grew continuously louder.**

**"_February third, 2005,_**

_**Today was the day that Jack McFarland disappeared.**_

_**I don't know what the hell is going on with him. I try to get his attention and hold a conversation with him, but he seems to be off in another place. I don't know if he's ignoring me, or what. I mean, I haven't done anything to make him mad. I even went through that needle thing for him.**_

_**It doesn't have to do with just me, either. He won't even be in the same room as Karen. Whenever she tries to take him places, he always refuses to go. Just last week, she bought him a boat, and he didn't even hear her! He just kind of nodded and mumbled a thank you.**_

_**He's an entirely different person. Can the flu really change a person that much? Maybe he's in pain; I don't know. But since we came back from the doctor's office, he just hasn't been the same. I know he's not upset about the hospital; he's had to go there and see people worse than he was for work. He's not the Jack I've known for half my life anymore. He's so different.**_

_**He looks different too. You can tell how sick he is. He can't walk for a long distance like he could before he got sick. His body tenses up and feels sore all over. And he doesn't eat as much. I mean, my refrigerator is still fully stocked fromthree days ago! He's lost a lot of weight. Whenever I try to give him a hug, I can feel his ribs through his shirt. When I asked him about it, he said it must have to do with the flu he had.**_

_**I'm thinking of maybe taking to the doctor again, but I really don't think it'll help much. I mean, he's getting his test results back sometime today or tomorrow, so there's probably nothing more they can do.**_

_**I don't think I can stand this anymore. Jack hasn't left his apartment for a week now. He won't come over here; I always go over there. I thought that maybe if he got some fresh air, he might feel better, but he rejects anything I bring up. He wouldn't even go shopping with me, and I offered to buy him a whole new wardrobe. I'm getting a bit scared. He isn't being himself at all.**_

_**I just hope he gets better, and I get my Jackie back.**_

_**Will**_

**As Will's laptop was closing, he heard the door carefully open and shut. He lifted his head to find Jack standing in the doorway, looking tired. His face was flushed with the fever, and his eyes lost their usual sparkle. They were now a dim steel blue, which brought the red in his cheeks even more. Though it was four o'clock in the afternoon, he was still dressed in his pajamas, and in his arms, he held a teddy bear that Will had never seen before.**

**"Hey Jackie," Will said, smiling and patting a spot on the couch next to him for Jack to sit on. He only called him Jackie when he was sick or hurting, and the comfort of it cause a little smile to make its way onto Jack's face. Still, though he looked terrible, Will was proud of him for finally getting out of bed. "You feeling any better?" **

**Jack's eyes welled up in pain and he shook his head, refusing to talk. His throat felt as if it was being engulfed in flames, and it hurt every time he would even breathe; he couldn't stand it.**

**A tear fell from Jack's reddened eyes, and Will couldn't help but feel frightened. Jack seemed to be in extreme pain. The fact that he couldn't even speak to him made Will's heart jump. He sighed and wrapped Jack in his arms, and felt an intense wave of heat coming from his stricken body.**

**Jack's hair was gleaming with sweat, yet Will allowed him to rest his head on his shoulder. Jack lifted his feet from the floor and lay down on the couch, using Will as a pillow. The older man leaned backward, permitting Jack to rest on his chest.**

"**It's going to be ok, Jackie. You're going to get better. I know having the flu sucks. But the best thing about getting sick, is that you'll always get better again," he said, rubbing his fevered head comfortingly. **

**Jack swallowed painfully and spoke. He no longer felt as bad as when he first came in. "I don't think it's the flu," he rasped, squeezing Will's cool body and reveling in the release of heat. "It might be worse then that, don't you think?"**

"**The flu can be really bad. What else could it be?"**

"**I don't know," Jack responded, sighing prosperously. He didn't care anymore either. As long as he was with Will, nothing else seemed to matter. **

**Will kissed Jack on the forehead and closed his eyes. The feeling of his best friend resting on top of him quelled any feelings of fear and insecurity he previously harbored. Jack was no longer wheezing or squirming in pain; It took Will a while to realize that it was because he had fallen asleep. **

**A smile embellished itself onto Will's face as he stroked Jack's cheek with his fingers. Even though his face was still warm, it wasn't nearly as bad as it was earlier. As comfortable as Will was then, he couldn't help but tense up, thinking about the events of the past week. Jack still wasn't acting like himself. He remembered when he first recognized that he was different.**

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**(Flashback)**

"**Come on, Jack. You need to get out sometime," Will called out, standing in the doorway to his younger friends bedroom. He smirked and leaned against the wall suggestively. "Do you want another bath?" he joked.**

**He half-expected Jack to throw a pillow at him, or laugh and roll his eyes. A smart comment might be made, or possibly, Jack would agree and head for the bathroom. **

**But Jack just shook his head and continued to stare vacantly up at the ceiling. He hugged his pillow sullenly and dug his head into the blankets around him. He looked up at Will with wide eyes and spoke softly, "Will, am I going to be sick forever?"**

**With his hair disheveled and his eyes wide and bright; he looked so much younger and much more fragile. Will felt as if he was talking to an eight-year old child instead of his friend. "No, of course not Jack. You know that. You'll get better. It'll just take some time."**

"**I don't want to wait."**

"**I know you don't," Will replied softly, climbing into the bed with Jack and sitting on his knees. "Believe me, I don't want you to be sick either. But there really isn't anything we can do about it."**

**He changed the subject quickly. "Come on now, let's go out to dinner or something. Fresh air will do you some good. It will feel a lot better than sitting in this stuffy apartment all night. We could even go to Boy Barn for a while if you want."**

**Jack's eyes filled with tears and he shook his head furiously. "No!" he exclaimed, surprising Will. "I don't want to leave my bed!"**

"**Ok..." Will said uncertainly, moving slightly away from Jack. There was something hidden in Jack's eyes that he had never seen before. Then, just as quickly as he had gotten angry, his face softened. "Will? Will you lie down next to me for a while?" he pleaded, grabbing Will's hand and guiding him closer.**

**Though he was still shocked about the tantrum that he had thrown earlier, Will laid next to Jack, enveloping him in his arms consolingly and kissing his neck. The previous day, Jack was as bright and cheery as ever. He joked around and drove Will crazy as usual. Yesterday, he was Jack. Will didn't know who he was now...**

**End flashback**

* * *

**Sighing, Will shook the thought out of his head and held Jack tighter. An unfamiliar feeling coursed through his entire body as Jack slept soundly next to him. **

**He hoped with all his heart that Jack would get better. Him being sick was driving Will crazier than when his friend was well. At least when he wasn't sick, he had someone to be there for him. Grace was always there, but it was different with Jack. With Jack, Will felt so much more confident and cheerful. Not that it wasn't like that with Grace, but he had a connection with Jack that he could never have with her.**

**Will's cell phone berated from his pocket, breaking the thick silence that he had created for himself. Annoyed, he reached and answered the irate ringing. "Hello?" he asked.**

"**Will Truman?" the voice on the other side of the line responded. The tone of the voice was so grave and serious, Will felt his heart leap into his mouth.**

"**Yes?" he answered, his voice cracking in anticipation to who the voice belonged to.**

"**Hello Will, this is Dr. McCammon. Is Jack available? He won't answer his phone," the doctor said, his tone remaining as assiduous as ever.**

**Will looked over at Jack sleeping soundly on his chest. With a slight smile, he replied, "No, he isn't awake right now. Why? Is everything ok with him?"**

**Will's smile faded as the doctor answered.**

"**Not exactly. Jack's test results came in, and I need you to come over right away. It turns out, Jack is suffering from much worse than the flu..."**

* * *

**Oooh...cliffhanger! Don't you love them?**

**I'll have the next chapter up by Thursday at the most. Please review, even if it's bad, I don't care. Reviews are like crack to me ;)**


	6. What's Wrong With Me?

**Deep in my Heart**

**Chapter Four**

**A/N: Long, angst-ridden chapter ahead. You are warned.**

* * *

_**And if there is disease in you **_

_**I want to have that disease too **_

'_**Cause I want everything **_

_**That is inside you **_

_**If there is disease in you **_

_**I want to have that disease too**_

_**'Cause if you die **_

_**Then I should die beside you**_

* * *

**Will walked up to his apartment, saline freezing on his cheeks. His heart had long since stopped beating, either that or he couldn't feel it. The thin icicles clinging to his eyelashes melded into the tears rolling down his face. One fell and landed on the carpet separating him from the door. He used the tip of his shoe to blend it into the heavy fabric. He didn't want any evidence that he had been crying.**

**A heavy feeling settled deep in the pit of Will's stomach. He had Jack's test results clutched into a fist in his hands. The words of the doctor fluttered repeatedly in his mind.**

_**"HIV"**_

**He knew it was a worldwide epidemic. He knew that people all over the city were contaminated. He knew that everyone had to be careful. It was a sickness; one of the worst diseases to ever hit the United States, or the entire world. It could destroy you. It could spread to AIDS, for which there was no cure. You just slowly suffered until you were dead.**

_**"Jack is suffering from much worse than the flu..."**_

**Jack didn't know. Why did he know, and Jack didn't? Will walked into the apartment, uneasy at the sight of Jack sitting on the couch, waiting for him. He looked so calm. Did he know? He couldn't have known. He was too damn calm.**

**"Will? Did you get the results from the doctor?"**

_**"Jack has Human Immunodeficiency Virus. HIV"**_

**Will nodded. Tears shimmered in his eyes, and he pinched himself aggressively to keep them from falling. _'Come on, don't cry,'_ he told himself fiercely. _'Don't scare him.'_**

**"Well?"**

**His voice was placid. It was so smooth, not at all shaking or scared. It was so light and uncaring, Will couldn't help but feel mocked by it. _'He just thinks it's the flu', _he thought sadly. _'He thinks it's nothing. That's why he isn't scared.'_**

_**'I can't scare him. I can't tell him.'**_

**Will sat down on the couch beside him. Jack noted the glassy look his friends eyes were displaying, but was reluctant on acknowledging them. "Will?"**

**It was too much. Will kissed Jack hard on the mouth, startling the younger man. Jack struggled, but Will used his hands to pin him down on the sofa. His mind went blank, and it was like he was numb. All he felt was his friends soft lips pursed against his. Jack paused, then gave in to the kiss.**

**"Will..." he sighed questioningly as he pulled him in closer. Silencing him with another kiss, Will reached up and unbuttoned Jack's collar, moving down to kiss his throat, which was still hot from the virus.**

_**'I can feel it on him. The doctor said you couldn't get it from kissing. But I can feel it.' **_

**As the kissing continued, Will still had the results in his hand. He used Jack's distraction to carefully shove the paper into the cushions of the couch. _'I'm distracting him. Why? I don't want to tell him. I can't tell him. I don't want him to know. Why am I doing this?'_**

**Still, he went on. He removed Jack's shirt and pressed himself comfortingly against his friends body. _'I might get it . . . '_ he thought, sobbing into Jack's chest, though Jack didn't notice. _'Maybe I want to. I don't want him to be alone.'_**

_**'This is crazy. Why is this happening to Jack? It always happens to him. Why can't anything bad happen to me? **_

_**It could happen to me. Right now. Then Jack wouldn't have to be alone. I could get it. We would go through it together.**_

_**We could be together forever. With or without the virus. We would have each other. We would be together.**_

**"Jack," he gasped as he felt Jack's fingers move to undo his belt buckle. "Your test results came back."**

**"Forget them, they aren't important now."**

**"Yes they are, Jack. You have..."**

**"I don't care Will. I don't care about anything else right now..."**

**Sobbing lightly, Will kissed him again. He felt his pants unzipping and coming off slowly, but he wasn't sure if it was Jack doing it or not. Everything seemed to be happening so slowly, that he couldn't see or stop it. He could only feel the blistering heat from Jack's fevered body.**

_**This isn't me. I don't do this. What am I doing?**_

_**He has to know. I can't tell him, but he needs to know. He would tell me, why can't I tell him?**_

_**He needs to know.**_

**Will shook his head furiously, breaking the kiss. He grasped Jack's shirt with his hand and pulled it to him. He cried into it intensely and sobbed. "Jack..."**

**A feeling of dread shoot through Jack, and soon he was as numb as Will felt. It had to be bad if it had moved Will to tears. Was it cancer? Or something worse? Was he going to need surgery? Or worse, was he going to...**

**"Will?" He asked, his voice forced into a determined calm. "What do I have?"**

**Opening his mouth to respond, Will stopped himself. He could feel nothing but an icy darkness filling him up, filling his mouth so he couldn't speak; filling his soul so he couldn't scream.**

**"N-nothing. Just the flu, like we thought. But it's bad, Jack. You could get really bad."**

**Jack's mouth dropped open. He shot up off of the couch and stared at him accusingly. "Then why did you kiss me, dammit! You might get sick too! You can't stay home anymore; you already used up almost all of your sick days on me, you don't need to get sick now!"**

**"Sorry," Will smiled, laughing at Jack's matronly tone. "I'm sorry, I just got kind of-wrapped up in things, you know?" His voice was still shaky. He couldn't believe what he was doing.**

_**'Tell him the truth, you coward. You're only hurting him more by doing this. **_

_**Tell him the truth...**_

**But he couldn't. Looking into his ocean blue eyes, he saw someone that he had to protect. He had to help Jack.**

**He couldn't tell him.**

**He just couldn't.**

* * *

**Will went to sleep that night, wishing he would never wake up.**

* * *

_**"Why? Why didn't he tell me?"**_

**Jack stared at the crumpled papers clutched in his fist. It was hard enough living with the fact that he had a disease. That wasn't important right now. The thing that shook him up the most was that he wasn't finding this out from the person who he thought cared about him. He was finding it out the morning after he did, after Will had told him it was nothing. He told him it was only the flu.**

_**"Is he ashamed of me? Is that why? Or is he scared of me?"**_

**He took a hard look at the solid black ink above the dotted line. **

**Determined illness: Human Immunodeficiency Virus**

**Jack wasn't stupid. He had heard that very illness diagnosed to many people during his time as a student nurse. It was serious. HIV. It could spread to AIDS if untreated. He could die.**

_**"Is that why he didn't want me to know? He wants me to die?"**_

_**"He wants me to die."**_

**Sitting back down on the couch where he found the papers, Jack sighed miserably. He didn't even mind that he had the disease, all he could think of was that Will wasn't there with him. **

**_"Why did he leave me here? I want him right here, so much._"**

**Jack ripped the test results in half. Then in fourths. Then in eighths. He ripped until there were tons of tiny strips of paper littering the floor around him. Then he started to cry. He wiped his eyes with the back of his hands, but more tears fell and took their place. **

"**_He wants me to die."_**

**"Will!" he yelled, his voice still hoarse. "Will!" He kept yelling Will's name, waiting only a few seconds in between calls. He gripped the arms of the sofa tightly, his knuckles growing pale with anger and confusion. **

**"Jack? What's wrong? Why are you screaming like this?" Will asked, running out in a night shirt and striped light blue pants. He walked in slowly and his heart broke. Jack glared at him, his eyes reddened and irritated from him rubbing them. "Jack?"**

**Jack shoved the tiny slips of paper at Will furiously. "When exactly were you planning on telling me that I was gonna die? Huh?" he asked viciously, standing up and yelling in his face. **

**"Jack, I-"**

**"No, stop it. I don't even want to hear you. Why did you hide this from me, Will? Were you ever planning on telling me? Or did you not want me to know? Why didn't you tell me?"**

**"Jack, I was going to tell you, I-"**

**"Well, it's a bit too late for that, isn't it?" Jack's eyes shone with tears. He let out an aggravated cry and continued, "Do you want me to die, Will? Is that why you didn't tell me?"**

**"Ja-"**

**"Do you want me to die? Huh? Do you want me to-"**

**"Jack, shut the fuck up!" Will yelled, running past Jack into his bedroom. He swiped at his eyes, furiously fighting the tears away. He sank into his bed, and the only thing he could think to do was sob into his pillow. "I don't want you to die!" he screamed into it, not caring if Jack heard him or not. "I don't want you to! I love you! I don't want you to die."**

**A sound from the doorway caused Will to pick up his head and look reluctantly toward it. A whimper sounded, and he saw Jack standing there, looking exhausted. His hair was messy and disheveled, and he took a hand and tiredly ran it through.**

**"I don't want to die either, Will. I really don't."**

**Tears sprung up from his eyes and traveled silently down his cheeks. _Man, I am so tired of crying, _Jack thought to himself. " I don't want to. And I don't have to, right?"**

**Will sat up on the bed and patted a spot next to him. Jack wandered over, in a kind of haze. His eyes didn't focus on Will, but rather on a spot somewhere on the ceiling. It seemed like he was caught in a nightmare; everything around him was blurred and unreal.**

**"You're not going to die," Will replied strongly, wrapping an arm around Jack and instantly forgetting his anger towards him. "Not now, not ever." In an even quieter voice, he whispered, "I won't let you."**

**Their faces were inches apart. Will's voice was soft and husky, and even though Jack was off in another world at that point, he heard him loud and clear. Moving closer to the comforting warmth of his body, Jack whispered "I love you, Will".**

**Will responded by kissing Jack, and this time, it wasn't because he had something to hide from him. Jack didn't hold back at all, but instead climbed on top of him slowly, wondering if this was all part of the dream. He felt everything come into view, and at that moment, everything was so clear to him. The haze was gone, and for the first time since he got sick, he knew that there was nothing that could happen to bring them apart.**

**"Can you get it from kissing?" Jack asked, worried; though there was not much that would have gotten him to stop.**

**Will shook his head. "You get it from blood and unprotected sexual content," he said, bringing his lips up to meet Jack's again. Jack pulled away. "So, I guess we shouldn't do this, then."**

**Sighing, Will ran a hand through Jack's hair. He sat up, resting his legs against Jack's. "We're not having sex, sweetie. And if we were, we would use protection."**

**It was Jack's turn to give a sigh. "We won't do it, though."**

**"Why not?"**

**"Because," he replied, giving a sincerely sad smile, "Because I never want you to have to go through with this. Even if we do use protection, I don't want to take any chances of losing you."**

**"Wow," Will said slowly, hugging himself as a breeze from the open windows of the apartment glided past him. "I think that is the most serious thing you have ever said to me."**

**"Well, loving you is a serious thing. And I love you more than I've ever loved anything in my life."**

**"Even Kevin Bacon?"**

**"Don't push it."**

**Will smiled brightly and laid down on the pillow at the head of his bed, bringing Jack down with him. He gathered him in his arms and held him close. Jack rested his head on Will's shoulder and sighed contently. No tears passed between them, and Jack made a promise to himself never to cry in front of Will as long as they were together.**

**Jack sang softly. **

**_If I should die this very moment  
I wouldn't fear_**

**"Jack . . . " Will warned, his eyes getting glassy. "Please, I've had enough crying for tonight." Jack just moved around slowly, gazing into Will's eyes as he continued his song,**

_**For I've never known completeness  
Like being here  
Wrapped in the warmth of you  
Loving every breath of you  
Still in my heart this moment  
Or it might burst  
Could we stay right here  
Until the end of time until the earth stops turning  
Wanna love you until the seas run dry  
I've found the one I've waited for**_

**"Is that true?" Will asked and grinned, silencing Jack by planting a firm kiss on his lips. "Am I the one you've been waiting for?"**

**Jack laughed, and Will thought to himself, _As much as I love his singing voice; his laugh is the most musical thing about him._ **

**"You have no idea", Jack replied, thinking about just how long he had been wishing and hoping that a moment like this would come. He pushed Will off of him playfully and continued singing.  
**

_**All this time I've loved you  
And never known your face  
All this time I've missed you  
And searched this human race  
Here is true peace  
Here my heart knows calm  
Safe in your soul  
Bathed in your sighs  
Wanna stay right here  
Until the end of time  
'Til the earth stops turning  
Gonna love you until the seas run dry  
I've found the one I've waited for**_

**Jack sang, looking into Will's shimmering eyes. They both were about to fall asleep, and Jack's song got softer and softer as the promise of sleep became more prominent.  
**

_**The one I've waited for**_

_**All I've known  
All I've done  
All I've felt was leading to this  
All I've known  
All I've done  
All I've felt was leading to this  
Wanna stay right here  
'Til the end of time 'till the earth stops turning  
I'm gonna love you till the seas run dry  
I've found the one I've waited for  
The one I've waited for  
The one I've waited for**_

**"Will?" Jack asked lazily as his eyes closed happily.**

**"Yeah?" **

**"Promise me we'll be together forever."  
**

_**Wanna stay right here  
'Til the end of time 'till the earth stops turning  
I'm gonna love you till the seas run dry  
I've found the one I've waited for  
The one I've waited for  
The one I've waited for**_

**"I promise, Jack"**

**

* * *

**


	7. Epilogue

**Deep in my Heart**

**Epilogue**

* * *

_**They won't see the fire you have lit inside of me.**_

_**They look up to the stars and wonder where you might be.**_

_**They look up without realizing they're standing in the palm of your hand.**_

_**I can't explain or understand.**_

_**I just love you.**_

* * *

**"Roses," Judith McFarland replied tearfully when asked by Will what type of flowers to get for the funeral. "My Jackie loved roses more than any other flower."**

**Will tried to comfort her, but felt it was impossible when he felt just as bad, if not worse.**

**Jack had died the week before, a few months after they started dating. The HIV had spread to AIDS much more quickly than the doctors said it should, and his immune system was too weakened by the virus for him to live. **

**Everyone said that Will seemed to be taking the news extremely well. No one had seen him shed a tear or mourn after Jack's death, and when he spoke to people about it, they noticed how calm and unflustered he seemed.**

**Only Grace knew the truth.**

**She was the one Will came to when he heard the news. He kept her up all night expressing just how much he meant to him. She heard every story, every encounter they came and conquered as a couple. And then, Will got very quiet and stopped talking at all. He shut himself in his room, and wouldn't come out to talk to anyone.**

**He was pretty bad. Still, he did all that he needed to do, and managed to hold a decent funeral for Jack.**

**It was beautiful. Roses lined the pews, and head shots of Jack littered the church. Will had gotten them all from a closet in Jack's apartment. A whole closet full of them. **

**Out of everyone in attendance at the funeral, Will seemed the most torn up about his death. Not even his own mother could match the despondency that Will felt.**

**Will didn't speak at the funeral. He couldn't look anyone in the eyes or talk. He was silent the whole day, except when the burial came.**

**He had managed to hold back his tears until that moment. He walked up to the tombstone, and saw the name on it. And then he broke down. Everyone heard the things he said. He hadn't meant to talk so loud, but the tears amplified his whispers.**

**"Jack, we met twenty years ago, and I knew we were going to be together for a long time. You showed up and instantly changed my life for the better. If it wasn't for you, I'd probably be married to a woman with three kids and hating every second of it. But you saw me, you saw the real me. When I heard about the HIV, the first thought that popped into my head was that you were going to die. I never noticed until you were gone, just how depressed it was going to make me. I never really understood just how much you have impacted my life until last week. I promised you a few months ago that we would be together forever. And I wanted to say that I'm sorry. I know we can't be together now, and I apologize for making a promise that I couldn't keep. I love you."**

**He turned around silently and left, his face red and his eyes glistening with fresh tears. He walked all the way home; all thirty blocks. He just needed to be alone.**

**Will remembered back a couple of days ago, when the doctor told him that Jack didn't have much time to live. He was supposed to tell Jack, but he didn't. He couldn't. It wasn't like last time, where Jack was sick and the possibility of dying might be true. This was the final thing he would tell Jack. It would be the last secret he kept from him.**

**He couldn't tell him.**

**So he kept it a secret. He never did tell him, and now he'd never be able to. It seemed kind of silly to tell him he'd be dying when he was already dead.**

**Will got home and immediately went into his room and shut the door. He removed his shoes and his tie and crawled into bed, pulling the covers morosely over his head. He hoped that when he woke up, this would all be a nightmare, and Jack would be beside him, sleeping soundly in his arms. **

**Of course, that couldn't happen. Jack was gone.**

**Will grabbed his pillow and hugged it tightly. As his hand slid underneath it, he felt something move under the sheets. He turned on the light and glanced at the object. It was a letter addressed to him. **

**He opened the letter, and found it was in Jack's handwriting. His heart leapt into his throat as he read it carefully.**

_**"Dear Will, **_

_**The doctor called me a few days ago and said that at the most, I have about a week to live. I kept waiting and waiting for you to tell me, but after a day or two, I realized you weren't going to. And I thank you; I didn't want you to have to go through that.**_

_**Anyway, I remember that promise you made to me a few months ago. The one where we said we would be together forever. Well, don't think that just because I'm gone that I don't still consider that a promise. Even though I'm not physically near you, I will always be there for you. There won't be a day in Heaven that goes by when you're not on my mind. You are my first love, and even through death, that is what you'll continue to be.**_

_**You have made my life the most wonderful thing to go through. You even made going through HIV and AIDS bearable. I'm pretty sure that the only reason I lasted as long as I did was because of your love, support, and affection.**_

_**Remember, you are not alone in this. I want you to go out and find a guy who can treat you with as much love as you did for me. Don't worry about 'betraying me' or 'replacing me', I think we both know how impossible that is. But you're going to have a long life, you need someone by your side. Even if that person isn't me. **_

_**Deep in my heart, I know that we will see each other again. I know it. I've never been sure of anything in my life, but that is one thing I know will happen. And I'll be counting down the days until that moment comes.**_

_**Again, you're my best friend ever, and the best relationship I have ever had in my life. I love you.**_

_**Love, Jack**_

_**P.S: Check in the bottom drawer of your dresser. I want you to listen to that every time you feel like there is no one out there that cares about you."**_

**Will set the letter very carefully down on the bed and leaned over toward the dresser. He opened the drawer and found a CD player with a CD inside of it. He put on the headphones and listened.**

**_"If I should die this very moment  
I wouldn't fear_**

**_For I've never known completeness  
Like being here  
Wrapped in the warmth of you  
Loving every breath of you  
Still in my heart this moment  
Or it might burst  
Could we stay right here  
Until the end of time until the earth stops turning  
Wanna love you until the seas run dry  
I've found the one I've waited for _**

All this time I've loved you  
And never known your face  
All this time I've missed you  
And searched this human race  
Here is true peace  
Here my heart knows calm  
Safe in your soul  
Bathed in your sighs  
Wanna stay right here  
Until the end of time  
'Til the earth stops turning  
Gonna love you until the seas run dry  
I've found the one I've waited for

**  
_The one I've waited for  
All I've known  
All I've done  
All I've felt was leading to this  
All I've known  
All I've done  
All I've felt was leading to this  
Wanna stay right here  
'Til the end of time 'till the earth stops turningI'm gonna love you till the seas run dry  
I've found the one I've waited for_**

_**  
The one I've waited for  
The one I've waited for**_

_Wanna stay right here  
'Til the end of time 'till the earth stops turning  
I'm gonna love you till the seas run dry  
I've found the one I've waited for  
The one I've waited for  
The one I've waited for"_

**It was Jack's voice. He had recorded and sung it. Will put down the CD player and smiled for the first time since Jack's death. He hugged the pillow still clutched in his hands and looked up towards the ceiling.**

**"I love you too," he whispered quietly.**

**Deep in his heart, he knew they were, in that moment, together forever.**

**-Fin-**

**A/N: I just want to thank everyone who stuck through the story and gave me all the praise. Thank you so much for your reviews! I'm currently planning a sequel for this, so I'll hopefully have that up as soon as I can. Thank you all again!**


End file.
